beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
