Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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