If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
