I got chris browned last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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