i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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