In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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