The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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