Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
