A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
