Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
