allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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