this boner is exhausting
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
