That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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