as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
