They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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