i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
