I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
