i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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