What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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