After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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