cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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