I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
