i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
