you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
