i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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