All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
