i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need water and some morals
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