can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
