Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life