um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
