Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
