first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I did not marry a roomba.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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