Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
