You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
