my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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