The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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