stop calling my apartment porn island.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
send nudes
from the living room?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
