I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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