I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
