I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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