how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
