I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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