i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
