I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
