Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
