i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
