Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
