i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
