Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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