just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
