meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
