Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
