Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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