Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules