the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while