I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.