I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.