Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.