hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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