Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs