Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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