i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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