i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
