Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
