Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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