spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize