My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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