I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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