Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Someone signed my nipple.
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