And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
