last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
