I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this is an emotional support booty call
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
