mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have aggressive nipples.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
