You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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