And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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