Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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