Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize