Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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