remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
