then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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