brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
